Oh, the tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive....ourselves.

I really thought I could just kind of wing it. That I could focus on the big picture and all of the little pictures would fall into place. I really deceived myself there. That kind of control only comes from experience and though I've lost significant weight before, I am so out of practice with the habits that support weight loss. So it's time to stop lying to myself and admit that Houston, we have a problem.

I stepped on the scale this morning just to check in and see how things were going. To my utter shock, there was over a half a pound gain!!!!! Now, I haven't been eating perfectly but I have been consciously cutting back on portions. What is going on? I feel like the girl from Willy Wonka that swelled up like a blueberry. I feel like I'm just getting bigger and bigger by the moment. It feels out of control and I feel helpless.

What's a fat girl to do? Time to buckle down, put my money where my mouth is, batten down the hatches, wise up, get a grip, circle the wagons, hunker down and otherwise stop being a stupid, dummy, idiot-head. Hello!!!! All those B.L.T.'s (Bites, Licks and Tastes) add up. I pity the fool who doesn't know that. And stress eating.....don't get me started. I mean it. Seriously. Do not get me started. When will I learn that I can't swallow my problems away.

So, as much as I detest food journaling, I feel it is a must at this juncture.

B: Very large bowl of bran flakes (don't ask)
L: 1 piece leftover homemade asparagus, mushroom, and onion pizza; raw veggies and lite dressing
D: soft pretzel with mustard
snacks: more raw veggies with lite dressing; 1 twizzler; maybe 12 jumbo chocolate chips; 2 bananas; 5 cookies (very small, and not horribly evil); 1 small box raisins
water: yep
exercise: day off

I snack a lot, don't I? I really don't eat full meals much lately. I've gotten used to just eating here and there every couple of hours. That's great IF it's all healthy stuff. Here's hoping this week is a better week for food. It has to be.