The List

Have you ever tried to come up with some kind of grand reward for losing weight? Some kind of dangling carrot to keep you motivated? Well, I have. But the only kinds of carrots that work for me are either too expensive or just not possible in real life. I'd love an Endless Pool, but I don't have that kind of money. I'd love a trip overseas, but again....money. I'd love to have a week to just catch up on my scrapbooking, but I can't see my husband taking a week off work to watch the kids in a motel! No, nothing ever seems to be within my reach. Nothing huge, anyway.

So I'm making a list. A list of rewards. Each reward in and of itself is pretty small. But together these little rewards will serve as my dangling carrot. Something real and attainable to look forward to. Things that maybe I've always wanted, but just never got around to. What's on this list so far? Well, since I just start that list today, only a few things. For now.

One thing I'd love to do is get new pair of glasses. Something a little more stylish than what I have now. Something to match my much improved mood, energy level, and outlook. Sassy? Chic? Avant garde? Funky? I'm up for an optometric makeover. I also would love a new hairdo. I always had short hair in high school and college and it was pretty cute. I have long hair now, and I enjoy being able to put it up in a pony, but I'm ready for a cut that's somewhere in between. Short enough to be sassy but long enough to put up. Something stylish that I can straigten, or wear naturally cury, or just blow-dry and wear wavy.

And of course, a trip to one of the big malls in Raleigh would be nice. I'll be in need of more clothes. I do have "skinny clothes" waiting for me, but since it's been so long since I've been smaller, they're probably all out of style. (I have a pair of Guess jeans that I wore at age 15 in my closet, not to ever wear, but just to remind me how little I was when I thought I was fat.) I hate clothes shopping. But maybe that's because there's no enjoyment in it when you have to settle for whatever you can find that fits. Maybe if you're at an ideal weight, you might actually enjoy setting foot in a clothing store. I so cannot wait for that day.

Until that day comes, I'm keeping this list out someplace where I can see it. And add to it. If, no, WHEN I make it to that day, I will have earned all those little prizes. But in the end I'm sure the biggest reward will be not just the literal weight lifted from me, but the mental and emotional weight that has been my ball and chain for over 25 years. I can't wait to be able to feel comfortable in my clothing, in my posture, in my own skin. And the coolest thing about it? My wonder twin, Betty Lou, thousands of miles away will be feeling the same way!