Queen of Denial

It's time to face the ugly truth. Time to stop kidding myself. Denial is no longer an option. In the wake of some emotional eating today, I realized that I must be more vigilant in this fight against fat. Assuming that I can wing it through the day, shoot from the hip, and otherwise sail through a diet are ideas of utter nonsense right now. I had wanted to just focus on exercising for a while, but my current eating habits are sabotaging even those attempts.

So what does that mean? Ugh. Groan. Whine. Well, for one thing, I have to start counting calories, of course. And that is an activity that I seriously detest. But the realization that, at least temporarily, I must inflict this kind of torture on myself is all too clear. I am partaking too often in mindless eating. This has to stop. Determining the number of calories is a little tricky since I'm a nursing mother, but after some careful research (okay, a few minutes on the internet) I am going to start with 1800 calories. Nursing mothers need anywhere from 200-500 extra calories a day, and I feel like that's a safe place to start. A drastic cut in calories could spell disaster for my milk supply; and after enduring breastfeeding hell for the first 3 months of Elvis' life and not knowing from one day to the next whether I would be able to continue nursing him, I'm not about to do anything that would endanger that. Okay. Daily calorie recording form printed off? Check.

Next. Time to step up the exercise. After perusing at least a dozen TiVo-ed exercise shows, I have quite an arsenal of workout options available to me. The best ones are one hour shows. My favorite one so far (favorite meaning it looked like the best one while I sat on my tush watching it) is Total Body Workout on BYU-TV. Because it's a college station...drumroll...NO COMMERCIALS!!!! Oh wait. That means more workout time. Well, it's not like I don't need it. Anyway, so far I have step, yoga, stability ball, and basic aerobics workouts taped. I especially appreciate the modest workout clothing and the REAL people who are part of the exercise posse. I don't think I want to plan out in detail which workouts on which days, but I DO know that I want to commit to 1 hour of intense exercise, and anything after that is great (like Wii Fit....not much intensity there, but fun). Lots of workouts ready to go? Check.

And next, and easiest, water. I've been doing pretty well with water. But time to step that up as well. I have read many times and from many sources that you should divide your weight in half and that number represents how many ounces of water you should drink per day. So that's what I'm going to shoot for. Big honkin' water bottle ready to fill almost 4 times daily? Check.

The last, and probably the most important for me personally, is sugar. I have PCOS (PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome). In a nutshell, where sugar is concerned, my pancreas overreacts to the sugar that I consume (sugar meaning actual sugar as well as anything that turns to sugar in the body, like carbs). So my pancreas releases tons of insulin to process the sugars. There ends up being a surplus, and the insulin can't just go back to the pancreas so it signals the body to crave more sugar so it will have a job to do. Then, when I eat that sugar in whatever form, my pancreas overreacts again. And so on. And so on. And so on. The cure? There is none. But there is a solution; I've tried it before and it really works. Diet.

Not just any diet. The Insulin-Resistance Diet. And that approach, in another nutshell, is to link protein to other things I eat. For example, if I'm going to have a serving of rice I need to pair that with a lean protein. The protein slows the body's reaction to the carb/sugar making it less likely that my pancreas will go into overdrive. Here are the rules:

• No more than 2 servings of carbs at a time.
• Space carb intake at least 2 hours apart.
• Always pair a serving of carbs with a serving of protein (15 g carb to 7 g protein)
• Except for corn and potatoes, eat unlimited amounts of veggies to satisfy hunger.
• Carbs found in high-protein dairy and vegetable proteins do not count as carbs.

This way of eating takes a bit of brain power. But even just remembering to eat a protein before or with a carb, not even taking into account the grams, is helpful. That's what I did in the past. And it worked. My energy was better. My sugar cravings decreased significantly. And I just felt better. Eating plan to lose weight and avoid diabetes? Check.

So, what's the stumbling block here? Time. The one thing I will never have enough of. Well, I probably won't ever have enough books either, but I digress. Anyway, time is a commodity in short supply here at home. I home school. I have a demanding (but sweet) nursing baby. I have four other children who need my attention. I have a home to take care of. Yadda, yadda, yadda. In all this whirlwind of responsibility, I also have myself to take care of. I have been mindful lately of the need to prioritize and take care of first things first. The most important thing is my spirituality. And at first when considering where exercise and dieting fit in to my life and it's huge list of stuff, I didn't consider that to be tantamount in the long run. But upon more careful pondering I realized that it is a part of my spirituality. It affects my spirit. It weighs me down physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And it keeps me from becoming the woman I have always wanted to be. I am not saying that it overshadows things that are more important to me like prayer, scripture study, and the like. But I do see in a very real sense how important it is to my spirit that I take care of this body, this temple, that has been entrusted to me. I am ashamed of how badly I have treated it so far, and I want to redeem myself by caring for it with a reverence I should have had all along. New respect for the body and what a healthy body means to me? Check.

Let me just close with a few motivational quotes that I really ought to read to myself daily.

Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.
Robert Collier

To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first.
Shakespeare

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind.
Seneca

Extremely long post? Check.

Betty Lou's Winter Buffet: Chapter One

I just received an invitation to my company's annual winter party. This year, we're calling it a winter "buffet" because "party" is seems to festive considering what's happening in our industry--our competitors, vendors, and customers have laid of many, many people...we're very fortunate that there's no talk of that within my company. We're so grateful to have secure jobs that many in our office wanted to skip the party altogether and maybe donate the money we'd spand to those in need. Instead, we're spending less on the event itself and the company will donate the savings in the form of a matching gift donation to a local food bank. Nice huh? So what's my beef with the whole thing? Only that they have to call it a buffet and that I have to think about it for the next 5 weeks.

Let me explain. For the next 5 weeks, the thought that this "buffet" is on the horizon is not going to leave my mind. I will imagine all the things I'd love to wear but that would look horrible on me, a millions times. Every time I have a day that's even slightly off plan, I'll think of this "buffet" and stress out. I'll start a countdown in my head...4 weeks to lose X pounds...2 weeks to lose x pounds...only 1 week to lose x pounds...oh no, the thing is in two days!... today's the day! I don't think I want to go. Now is that any way to think of a party-that's-called a-buffet?

And all this leading to a "buffet" where clearly the goal is to eat. So stress about eating for 5 weeks only to go somewhere where, by definition, you eat. Seems silly, doesn't it?

That countdown in my head? It's been here the whole time I've been typing this. I'm telling you. It's not going to go away. It's going to haunt me in my sleep and follow me into the shower and join me on my commute. It will be my bedtime story to myself and the first thing to greet me in the morning. Really? you ask. Pretty much. And then you're probably saying, Betty Lou, you shouldn't mess up your new healthy way of living because of a party (or buffet or whatever). And I would agree, but there's no accounting for the things my brain will do to me. The most I can do, is try to ignore myself and forge ahead.

So there you have it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go map this whole thing out on calendar (just kidding).